Monday, December 27, 2010

Late Night..

I am so thankful for what I have.

But tonight... Tonight I am sitting here wondering if I am selling myself short. I'm not going into details, because this is the internet, but to give a vague idea of what's up... I tend to want to "fix" things. Give and give and give (to the point that I literally have nothing left to give), and get ugly words back. Hateful, mean, spiteful words (and actions) from someone that I do love and give as much as I can to. A relationship that I know good and well isn't healthy, yet I can't seem to walk away. I love this person. And love... Well, it can bring out some crazy things on both sides.

Now, if I was reading this on someone else's blog, I'd be quick to say "Well, DUH, that's when you suck it up and cut your losses. Why be around someone who brings you down?!" Easier said than done.

This morning at church, our pastor talked to us about ways to help us remember that Jesus was human, experienced heartache, disappointment, etc., just like we do. Our pastor broke it down, and tried to show us just how much He can relate... How He knows our struggles.

Times like these I try really hard to just let it all go to Him. It hurts to deal with anyway, so I am trying to give this confused heart to Him, and walk away from the worry, the hurt... It's hard. It makes me fearful of becoming blind to His greatness.

Lord, I need you to take this situation into your hands. You are the only one who can lead me to the answers I so desperately long to find. I am giving up the worry... And I am trusting that you will come up with a way that we will all be better off with. I trust you. I am giving it all to you. I'm scared... But I'm doing it anyway.

I know this post is a little cryptic, and maybe one day I'll be able to go into details... But for now, just know that my family is probably more so than yours, and rejoice in that, lol. Tonight has been rough, and I just needed to let it out in words.

Love to you all! Hope y'all have a great Monday!

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